Quiet UK

Category: Misophonia

  • Hearing therapy and what it’s taught me about tinnitus

    Hearing therapy and what it’s taught me about tinnitus

    Walking down a grey corridor in an unloved NHS community hospital, the curled edges of leaflets about coping with old age poking out of wire stands, I’m feeling a bit suspicious about how hearing therapy could help me. I enter a large room, peeling magnolia paint, tiny cell-like window, two chairs in the middle of the room. And there sat on one of the chairs my therapist. A vision of serenity with a genuine smile, she beckons me to the chair opposite hers.

    The last time I had therapy was with a slightly intense therapist, who stared too much and in one session had a giant bogey sticking out of his nose – I didn’t go back. That was for grief and anxiety. I really didn’t know what to expect from therapy for my ears!

    Tinnitus, from a medical point of view, really sucks. For a start it’s difficult (and subjective) to explain what you’re hearing – how loud is loud, what does the ringing sound like? Next, there’s little understanding of tinnitus and it’s causes, mainly because it’s not very sexy from a medical research funding point of view! You also can’t measure tinnitus – there’s no version of a thermometer or stethoscope that can give your doctor numbers to put on a chart or table. Despite this, there are things you can do to help manage your tinnitus. Such as hearing therapy…

    That first session I was asked a lot of questions – how, what, when, where my tinnitus affected me and set a couple of tasks – keep a diary of the sounds and think about what stress relieving activities I could incorporate into my life. I left feeling more positive, tinnitus still there, but I’d been able to ask the questions that had been worrying me: will it get worse, will it go away, will it spread to my other ear (I have unilateral tinnitus in my left ear). The therapist had answered the questions she could and been honest about the ones that she couldn’t. I trusted her and agreed to see her again the following month.

    Over the next year or so, I went back every few months. We discussed how I was getting on, celebrated breakthroughs such as a reduction in tinnitus perception, set objectives and agreed how much I should push myself. We also discussed sharing my needs with my family and friends – when my tinnitus is bad I get a throbbing pain in my ear, temporary reduction in hearing and inability to cope with more than one sound. After one session I went home and explained to my partner how he needed to say my name when talking to me to get my attention and that sometimes when driving I can’t cope with sound from the radio and also having a conversation. It’s little things, but they made a massive difference to how I coped with tinnitus and everyday stress. And the world was good for about a year.

    Then a few months ago I realised my tinnitus was back, really back, possibly worse than before. I didn’t panic, I knew it was stress-related – lockdown with noisy neighbours, cancelling the trip of a lifetime and keeping a husband with a heart condition safe had taken its toll. Thankfully, we’d left my therapy options open. One quick call and I had an appointment with my therapist – over the phone of course.

    My tinnitus hasn’t instantly got better, but the phone session gave me an opportunity to discuss what was going on in my world. I could rant about the noise from my neighbours and rather than feeling selfish, I was given support, told I wasn’t on my own in my (slightly/ very murderous) feelings about the people living opposite and given some new ideas to help calm the ringing in my ears. I even joined the National Trust afterwards so I could plan some quiet ‘me time’ at some of the local sites.

    What is hearing therapy?

    Hearing Therapy is a service which can provide information, counselling and practical assistance for people experiencing issues with hearing loss, central processing disorders, tinnitus and hyperacusis.

    The service uses the Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) approach which includes:

    • education
    • identifying triggers
    • implementing mindfulness-based stress reduction activities

    What has hearing therapy done for me?

    • Answered the worrying questions I had about my condition – or at least provided the information I needed to process my concerns
    • Helped me understand my condition
    • Helped me explore ways to reduce stress and manage my tinnitus
    • Helped to reduce my perception of my tinnitus – it’s always there, probably not going to go anywhere, but most of the time my brain ignores it
    • Showed me that the ‘me’ time I needed to help reduce stress is not selfish
    • Worked with my introvert personality to find the best coping methods and stress-reduction activities
    • Given me the words and concepts to discuss my condition with my partner, family and friends so they can better understand it and my needs.

    Hearing therapy is not a quick solution. You need to put in the time and effort to help yourself. Having an appointment in my diary meant that I had focus on the homework I’d been set – I’m someone who needs deadlines so this this was important for me.

    If you think hearing therapy could help you, please get in touch with your GP or medical provider. From my initial suspicions about any kind of therapy, I am now so grateful for the time I had talking through, addressing and learning to cope with my tinnitus.

    Find support

    More about tinnitus retraining therapy (TRT) from the British Tinnitus Association.

    If you need help or support with your tinnitus the British Tinnitus Association support line is available Mon-Fri 9-5 on 0800 018 0527. If you feel like you can’t cope and need help outside of these times the Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123.

    Here’s a link to the Bath and North East Somerset Community Health and Care Services hearing therapy service that I used. This is a free service. A quick look at other NHS trusts shows similar services, but please check with your GP. For non-UK countries please contact your local medical provider.

  • Simple solutions for a quieter life

    Simple solutions for a quieter life

    Back in the day when I used to commute to work the simple task of getting the train used to raise my stress levels to breaking point. Five days a week I’d arrive at the station five minutes before my train, then wait an extra ten minutes because the train was always delayed. I’d then jostle with my fellow commuters trying to claim a spare foot of space as my own. The journey itself was 12 minutes, except on days when we had to stop because of branches, cows or swans on the track (yes, all three of those we’re given as reasons for delays). And by the time I reached work, I was a jittery mess of anxiety and hatred towards all humanity.

    Yes, the delays were frustrating, paying for a seat and not being able to get one was a tad irritating, but the thing that got to me most was the noise. From the minute the carriage doors clunked shut there was constant noise. The train manager making unintelligible announcements over the PA. The squeals, bangs and squeaks of under-invested in rolling stock. The new phenomena of people playing music or watching movies without headphones — it was bad enough having loud, tinny music leach from headphones, but this new antisocial habit is enough to make me shove their devices into some very dark holes. And who can forget the very important man (yes, always a man) who doesn’t understand how a phone works and shouts so loudly into the receiver that the whole carriage knows just how important it is that Steve gets the contract to Maggie by close of play.

    In the end, I started driving to work — yes, I know this is not the sustainable option, but honestly, I was so far past the end of my tether that I was liable to headbutt the next very important man I came across. My commute time went from 12 minutes to 45 minutes, but those 45 minutes were quiet. Before this, I was ready to quit my job but this little change allowed me to hang on until I was ready to go freelance.

    In an increasingly loud world, opportunities for quiet seem to be diminishing. From the minute we wake up to the beep beep beep of our alarms to the time we are lulled to sleep by the near-constant rumble of traffic and aeroplanes noise is always there. And it’s killing us.

    So how can you find the quiet space you need?

    Explore your local community

    Even in the busiest of city, you can find quiet nooks and crannies. Sometimes they are obvious places like large, tree-filled parks but there are also plenty of hidden spaces waiting to be discovered. One of my favourite places is churches. I’m not religious but the enforced quiet of a religious building can be a blessing. But you need to avoid the fancy ones, the ones that tourist flock to.

    For example, Liverpool has two cathedrals. The first, and oldest is the appropriately named Liverpool Cathedral. An imposing building full of stained glass, stone carvings and tourists. The other, Liverpool Metropolitan Cathedral, is a modern building with a derogatory nickname due to its, shall we say, distinctive architecture. And because of this fewer people visit making it a much calmer space. This building is a wonderful space to escape the rumble of traffic and bustle of the nearby shopping centre. (If you’re not religious please be aware of the religious practices in the building and act appropriately).

    Turn everything off

    Nice and simple this one. Take off your headphones. Turn off the TV, phone and tablet. If you are constantly listening to your devices you won’t know when there is quiet around you.

    Yes, they block out unwanted noise, but you are just substituting one noise for another. Turn them off and listen. Let your ears lead you towards the quiet they crave.

    Change your schedule

    A few years ago I worked in an open-plan office. Well, that was its own special kind of hell. No Phil, making hour-long calls on speakerphone is not sodding appropriate. Other than building your own fort out of reams of printer paper and broken A4 binders there’s not a lot you can do to change the physical space. But what if you changed when you are in the space?

    My old company allowed flexi-time — as long as we were in the building for the core hours we could start as early as 7am and finish as late as 8pm. I was an early bird and would arrive outside the office at 6.59am and leave just as the clock struck 3pm. This worked because the rest of my team were night owls who would rock up sometime between 9.30 and 10.00. Leaving me with up to three delightful hours of quiet every day.

    Depending on your company this might take a bit of negotiating, but it’s worth a try — even half an hour of quiet a day could make a difference.

    Avoid traffic

    Venice and Amsterdam are major European tourist sites, filled with people, cafes and restaurants. But they are both missing one thing — cars. Thanks to their unique landscape and, in the case of Amsterdam, their attitude towards cars, they are filled with the hubbub of people, but they lack the roar of motorised transport.

    Some towns and cities are finding ways to reduce our reliance on cars but others are still stuck in a car is King mindset. This gives you another reason to explore your neighbourhood or perhaps try a different walking route to work.

    If I walk the most direct route from my house into town I end up walking alongside a major road — filled with all the accompanying air and noise pollution. But if I take a diagonal route, it adds five minutes, but it avoids the main road and takes me along a tree-lined path that skirts a brook with all its accompanying bird song and babbling. For the sake of five minutes, I know which my lungs and ears prefer.

    I hope these simple ideas will help you to find some quiet space. I’d love to hear if you have any other ideas for finding a bit of hush in our increasingly noisy world.

  • “Stop chewing so loudly” – living with Misophonia

    “Stop chewing so loudly” – living with Misophonia

    “Crunch, crunch, munch.”
    Deep breathe in. It’s not their fault they’re eating like a monkey that hasn’t been fed for a week.
    “Crunch, crunch, MUNCH.”
    Oh, for f*ck’s sake will you just shut up!!!

    Welcome to the world of misophonia. Miso-what-now? Misophonia, or Selective Sound Sensitivity, is a strong emotional reaction to sound, more specifically, a type of sound. And the type of sound and the reaction can be different for different people. For me, other people chewing triggers rage, a lot of rage, but I rarely act on it, other than the odd tut; I am British after all!

    Sounds that can trigger someone with misophonia are normally manmade, are something voluntary (think chewing loudly not farting), and to me, they are often prolonged or reoccurring noises (such as sniffing or regularly clearing your throat). Hearing these sounds wakes up your fight or flight response and your body reacts, either through rage, disgust or anxiety. I’m mainly a rage or disgust person – that probably says a lot about me as a person!

    Sounds that trigger a response from me include (but are not limited to):

    • Chewing (the big one for me)
    • Someone clearing phlegm from their throat
    • Rustling crisp packets (or similar packaging)
    • Jingling coins in your pocket – Mum I’m looking at you!

    There’s very little research into the causes or prevalence of misophonia. According to the American Tinnitus Association, 4-5% of people with tinnitus experience some form of misophonia. A recent study suggested that as many as 49.1% of the population suffer from some form of the condition. That’s almost half the planet getting annoyed at the other half for eating or sniffing!

    Speak to those close to you

    So, if you get angry, disgusted or anxious at certain sounds what can you do about it?

    Rather than tutting, or worse, it really does help to speak to those around you. Explain that this reaction is no one’s fault, it is just a reaction. Now when my husband is eating near me he will put on some music or the tv, something that masks the sound he is making.

    It can be a bit more difficult when you are out and about. I’ve never turned to the person chomping and slurping next to me on the train and said, “Do you mind not doing that, I find it disgusting.” It would be an interesting experiment though.

    My solutions to this are:

    • Don’t sit there in silent rage, move away from the source of the noise if you can.
    • Invest in noise-cancelling headphones – I always thought these were a bit of a con until I was given a pair of Bose QuietComfort 35 and they changed my world for the better.

    It’s also worth a chat with your GP if you find that your misophonia is affecting your life. Be aware that many health professionals probably haven’t heard of misophonia, but they should still be able to direct you to your local audiology department or hearing therapist.

    For more on misophonia check out the British Tinnitus Association website.