Quiet UK

Tag: Misophonia

  • Hearing therapy and what it’s taught me about tinnitus

    Hearing therapy and what it’s taught me about tinnitus

    Walking down a grey corridor in an unloved NHS community hospital, the curled edges of leaflets about coping with old age poking out of wire stands, I’m feeling a bit suspicious about how hearing therapy could help me. I enter a large room, peeling magnolia paint, tiny cell-like window, two chairs in the middle of the room. And there sat on one of the chairs my therapist. A vision of serenity with a genuine smile, she beckons me to the chair opposite hers.

    The last time I had therapy was with a slightly intense therapist, who stared too much and in one session had a giant bogey sticking out of his nose – I didn’t go back. That was for grief and anxiety. I really didn’t know what to expect from therapy for my ears!

    Tinnitus, from a medical point of view, really sucks. For a start it’s difficult (and subjective) to explain what you’re hearing – how loud is loud, what does the ringing sound like? Next, there’s little understanding of tinnitus and it’s causes, mainly because it’s not very sexy from a medical research funding point of view! You also can’t measure tinnitus – there’s no version of a thermometer or stethoscope that can give your doctor numbers to put on a chart or table. Despite this, there are things you can do to help manage your tinnitus. Such as hearing therapy…

    That first session I was asked a lot of questions – how, what, when, where my tinnitus affected me and set a couple of tasks – keep a diary of the sounds and think about what stress relieving activities I could incorporate into my life. I left feeling more positive, tinnitus still there, but I’d been able to ask the questions that had been worrying me: will it get worse, will it go away, will it spread to my other ear (I have unilateral tinnitus in my left ear). The therapist had answered the questions she could and been honest about the ones that she couldn’t. I trusted her and agreed to see her again the following month.

    Over the next year or so, I went back every few months. We discussed how I was getting on, celebrated breakthroughs such as a reduction in tinnitus perception, set objectives and agreed how much I should push myself. We also discussed sharing my needs with my family and friends – when my tinnitus is bad I get a throbbing pain in my ear, temporary reduction in hearing and inability to cope with more than one sound. After one session I went home and explained to my partner how he needed to say my name when talking to me to get my attention and that sometimes when driving I can’t cope with sound from the radio and also having a conversation. It’s little things, but they made a massive difference to how I coped with tinnitus and everyday stress. And the world was good for about a year.

    Then a few months ago I realised my tinnitus was back, really back, possibly worse than before. I didn’t panic, I knew it was stress-related – lockdown with noisy neighbours, cancelling the trip of a lifetime and keeping a husband with a heart condition safe had taken its toll. Thankfully, we’d left my therapy options open. One quick call and I had an appointment with my therapist – over the phone of course.

    My tinnitus hasn’t instantly got better, but the phone session gave me an opportunity to discuss what was going on in my world. I could rant about the noise from my neighbours and rather than feeling selfish, I was given support, told I wasn’t on my own in my (slightly/ very murderous) feelings about the people living opposite and given some new ideas to help calm the ringing in my ears. I even joined the National Trust afterwards so I could plan some quiet ‘me time’ at some of the local sites.

    What is hearing therapy?

    Hearing Therapy is a service which can provide information, counselling and practical assistance for people experiencing issues with hearing loss, central processing disorders, tinnitus and hyperacusis.

    The service uses the Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) approach which includes:

    • education
    • identifying triggers
    • implementing mindfulness-based stress reduction activities

    What has hearing therapy done for me?

    • Answered the worrying questions I had about my condition – or at least provided the information I needed to process my concerns
    • Helped me understand my condition
    • Helped me explore ways to reduce stress and manage my tinnitus
    • Helped to reduce my perception of my tinnitus – it’s always there, probably not going to go anywhere, but most of the time my brain ignores it
    • Showed me that the ‘me’ time I needed to help reduce stress is not selfish
    • Worked with my introvert personality to find the best coping methods and stress-reduction activities
    • Given me the words and concepts to discuss my condition with my partner, family and friends so they can better understand it and my needs.

    Hearing therapy is not a quick solution. You need to put in the time and effort to help yourself. Having an appointment in my diary meant that I had focus on the homework I’d been set – I’m someone who needs deadlines so this this was important for me.

    If you think hearing therapy could help you, please get in touch with your GP or medical provider. From my initial suspicions about any kind of therapy, I am now so grateful for the time I had talking through, addressing and learning to cope with my tinnitus.

    Find support

    More about tinnitus retraining therapy (TRT) from the British Tinnitus Association.

    If you need help or support with your tinnitus the British Tinnitus Association support line is available Mon-Fri 9-5 on 0800 018 0527. If you feel like you can’t cope and need help outside of these times the Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123.

    Here’s a link to the Bath and North East Somerset Community Health and Care Services hearing therapy service that I used. This is a free service. A quick look at other NHS trusts shows similar services, but please check with your GP. For non-UK countries please contact your local medical provider.

  • Notifications and alarms – why it’s time to silence your digital world

    Notifications and alarms – why it’s time to silence your digital world

    Back in the late 1980s, my Nan bought a Grandfather clock for my Grandad. And my grandad was delighted. He set it up and we all waited patiently for the next hour to arrive. Ding-dong-ding-dong it went. We all clapped enthusiastically. Fast-forward a couple of days and the once novel chimes were driving us to distraction. Another couple of days and the bells were silenced, only to be allowed to ring once a year on New Year’s Eve. We didn’t need to be alerted to every passing hour of our lives.

    More recently, at a family event, I found a rather more modern technology was driving me to distraction. Ding went my Nan’s iPad. Boing went my mother’s phone. Yet another phone announced ‘your son is texting you’ to the whole room. It took a lot of willpower, and a desire to remain on the Christmas present list, not to grab their devices and lob them out the window. And these digital noise offenders weren’t my younger cousins or their kids, these were the boomers and early-born Gen Xers. They seem to have missed the memo on the effects of app notifications and allowing your digital devices to infiltrate every waking moment.

    And I wouldn’t mind if they got up and answered the alert. Nope, my Nan’s iPad continued to ‘ding’ away in the corner, each ‘ding’ seemingly getting louder each time it was ignored. She’d acknowledge each ‘ding’ by stopping the conversation, saying ‘oh that’s an email’ before going back to whatever she was talking about.

    Just turn them off

    Just to clarify — turn off your notifications, not your grandparents.

    I used to be an early adopter of various devices but then I got bored with the faff of setting them up, not to mention the cost. My Samsung phone is eight years old and the phone company have given up sending me updates on the latest phone that I ‘really must have’. And in the eight years I’ve had the phone the only sound it has ever made is ‘ring’. I will admit that at one point in the early 00s my Nokia used to beep out the theme tune to Fraggle Rock, but I have learned my lesson.

    The first thing I do whenever something digital comes in the house is turn off all the beeps, dings, bleeps etc. With the exception of my sodding attention-seeking washing machine which I can’t silence — AEG I’m looking at you.

    And it’s worth the ten minutes of my life it takes to do this — I know it’s a foreign concept to some but I believe if something is really that urgent the person will call me.

    Pay attention

    Those little dings, bings and bleeps do nothing but seek and divert our attention. Some studies suggest that app notifications are to blame for our lack of concentration. Others say that they are a symptom of a society that expects us to be contactable (by work or family and friends) at all times which has a knock on effect on our health and wellbeing. Whichever it is, turning off your notifications solves both problems.

    A study by Deloitte showed that the average American household has 25 connected devices — that’s a lot of things that go beep. And according to RescueTime we pick up our phones an average of 58 times a day — often in response to a notification. And once you’re on your phone you may as well check the news or the latest TikTok trend. Now, what was I doing again?

    Plus, if like me, you’re someone with hyperacusis (noise sensitivity) the sounds can create anxiety and a reduction in general wellbeing. Add in misophonia (a decreased tolerance to specific sounds) and I’ll be the person sitting next to you on the train plotting increasingly vindictive ways to kill you while your phone beeps away, letting you know there’s a photo of your cousin’s kid playing football on WhatsApp. Think about those around you — an app notification that makes a sound is not only notifying you.

    I’m focussing on the sounds devices make here because I write about sound and hearing health. But it doesn’t have to be sound — a red dot or flashing light can be equally distracting — if a little less annoying to those around you.

    I’m not dissing tech and social media. After I’ve pressed publish on this story I’ll head over to Bluesky to share it. But as much as I’d like you to read this story, it will never be that important that your device has to alert you to its presence.

  • “Stop chewing so loudly” – living with Misophonia

    “Stop chewing so loudly” – living with Misophonia

    “Crunch, crunch, munch.”
    Deep breathe in. It’s not their fault they’re eating like a monkey that hasn’t been fed for a week.
    “Crunch, crunch, MUNCH.”
    Oh, for f*ck’s sake will you just shut up!!!

    Welcome to the world of misophonia. Miso-what-now? Misophonia, or Selective Sound Sensitivity, is a strong emotional reaction to sound, more specifically, a type of sound. And the type of sound and the reaction can be different for different people. For me, other people chewing triggers rage, a lot of rage, but I rarely act on it, other than the odd tut; I am British after all!

    Sounds that can trigger someone with misophonia are normally manmade, are something voluntary (think chewing loudly not farting), and to me, they are often prolonged or reoccurring noises (such as sniffing or regularly clearing your throat). Hearing these sounds wakes up your fight or flight response and your body reacts, either through rage, disgust or anxiety. I’m mainly a rage or disgust person – that probably says a lot about me as a person!

    Sounds that trigger a response from me include (but are not limited to):

    • Chewing (the big one for me)
    • Someone clearing phlegm from their throat
    • Rustling crisp packets (or similar packaging)
    • Jingling coins in your pocket – Mum I’m looking at you!

    There’s very little research into the causes or prevalence of misophonia. According to the American Tinnitus Association, 4-5% of people with tinnitus experience some form of misophonia. A recent study suggested that as many as 49.1% of the population suffer from some form of the condition. That’s almost half the planet getting annoyed at the other half for eating or sniffing!

    Speak to those close to you

    So, if you get angry, disgusted or anxious at certain sounds what can you do about it?

    Rather than tutting, or worse, it really does help to speak to those around you. Explain that this reaction is no one’s fault, it is just a reaction. Now when my husband is eating near me he will put on some music or the tv, something that masks the sound he is making.

    It can be a bit more difficult when you are out and about. I’ve never turned to the person chomping and slurping next to me on the train and said, “Do you mind not doing that, I find it disgusting.” It would be an interesting experiment though.

    My solutions to this are:

    • Don’t sit there in silent rage, move away from the source of the noise if you can.
    • Invest in noise-cancelling headphones – I always thought these were a bit of a con until I was given a pair of Bose QuietComfort 35 and they changed my world for the better.

    It’s also worth a chat with your GP if you find that your misophonia is affecting your life. Be aware that many health professionals probably haven’t heard of misophonia, but they should still be able to direct you to your local audiology department or hearing therapist.

    For more on misophonia check out the British Tinnitus Association website.